Wait, am I a leader?
By Alisha Allen Gardner
Leadership.
Immediately, when I think of or hear this word, my body tenses up. I feel heat rise up my throat, which starts to restrict, and a slight ping in my head. My shoulders feel heavy. A younger version of me would believe I was beginning to have a panic attack.
All over just one word.
Leadership.
I used to think it meant someone who had everything under control. The pastors at church while growing up—including my dad—seemed like good leaders. They could get in front of people and string words together that sounded inspiring to those in the audience.
People would swarm them after service and say what a wonderful job they did, and how they would remember those impactful words throughout the week as they went about their adult lives. The adults would ask me questions, and I immediately felt those same feelings in my body.
I never, ever thought I could be a leader.
I later realized my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Anderson, was a different kind of leader. She made me feel calm. She would come play with us on the swings at recess. An ADULT came and played with us—and she would just laugh. She was having the best time.
She told me I could do anything I wanted to. Even trying seaweed she brought back from a trip overseas. Which was disgusting. But she asked me to try it, so I did.
She had us write class letters and present them in class. I knew if she was there, it wasn’t going to be so scary. My vision of what a leader was began to change.
I still never thought that I could be a leader.
I found myself drawn to helping those younger than me. I worked at church in the infant room or ran around with a group of friends doing puppets in kids’ church. We had a blast doing it together.
You were not going to get me in front of a group of people. Hiding in the infant room or behind the puppets—that’s where I belonged.
Anytime at school I tried to do something a little more confident, I would be bullied. It felt safer to stay quiet and hidden.
In college, I got the impression people really didn’t like me. I was the girl who “asked too many questions.”
“There she goes again,” they’d say.
But I had to know. Why do we do things this way? Why are we okay with these situations?
I made maybe two friends in college.
NO freaking way I was ever going to be a leader.
In my twenties, when I saw others being bullied, harmed, or subjected to unprofessional behavior at work, it became almost a compulsion to speak up in the moment. To say the actions or words weren’t okay.
“We don’t treat people like that.”
Or my personal favorite: “I’m going to give you the opportunity to say that differently, as you may not realize how mean you sound right now.”
That became a mantra of my life.
Some people really didn’t like that. So, I went back to hiding.
No way was I ever going to be a leader.
At age 26, I found myself getting divorced, pregnant, finishing college, and sharing my mom’s bed while I rebuilt my life. I had the beginnings of a real estate career—building clients—and worked as an admin assistant for various realtors. I was also working as a vision screener.
Something strange happened that year. The “real” adults in my life gave me opportunities to manage important situations.
In real estate, the agents expected me to be an expert in how files were completed—making sure every signature and date was correct and everything was legally sound. All those pesky questions turned me into an expert, and people depended on me to keep their butts covered.
In vision screening, I organized several days at a school for vision checks, coordinated with staff, and managed volunteers. Sometimes 1,000 students came through my line in a single week—and somehow, I was the one deciding how the line worked, who did what, and who the school contacted.
Once again, asking questions made me an expert. People came to me to find out what they were supposed to do.
Was this leadership?
Organizing—sure. I’m awesome at that. But leadership?
I told myself no. I was just super organized and nice.
At 29, another bizarre thing happened. After getting remarried, my husband Chuck and I found ourselves taking over Easy Time Clock. It wasn’t an easy transition—or one we could prepare for.
Almost overnight, we were responsible for employees, financial obligations, software development, and everything else.
Whether I thought I could be a leader didn’t matter.
I had to be one.
People were depending on us to make good decisions.
Talk. About. Panic.
Leaders don’t panic… right?
I had never seen someone I thought was a “real leader” panic. So I went on the hunt to learn how to be the perfect leader.
Ten years later, I can tell you—like Brené Brown says in Dare to Lead—“Studying leadership is way easier than being a leader.”
Now, when I feel that leadership panic rise—the constriction in my throat—I know it means it’s time to act. It’s an opportunity to practice leadership and define what it means to me.
I choose to lead with empathy and the understanding that people are human.
I choose to lead with boundaries and honesty.
I will ask questions.
I will challenge others’ choices.
I will celebrate people when they overcome hard things.
I will reflect with them when they believe they’ve failed.
I will listen for as long as someone needs me to listen.
I lead with the hope of giving my team the opportunity to fail.
I love seeing my team fail—because when they overcome it, it’s amazing.
I have team members who’ve been with me for over ten years. Others for five. We’ve added several new positions in just the last year—and no one’s left yet.
I’m asked to serve on committees, lead conversations, and give feedback to other professionals.
I never thought I would be a leader.
But now, I am a leader.
And I think I’m doing a pretty good job.
About Alisha Allen Gardner
The first thing most people notice about Alisha is her energetic and enthusiastic personality. Alisha is a bright, bubbly go-getter. With 10 years of real estate experience, Alisha developed her abilities to understand needs and serve people, and she brings this knowledge to Easy Time Clock both in her management style and in developing lasting client relationships.
Alisha has a selfless, kind spirit, and she is always the first to step in and help however she can. Alisha graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Environmental Science in 2013. She is actively involved in various community organizations such as the Edmond Chamber and the Northwest Oklahoma City Chamber. In several organizations, she has a leadership role on the board or is on a committee. She was a graduate of Leadership Northwest in 2018.
She has been recognized for her community efforts time and time again with recognition from the OKC Gazettes 40 Under 40, The Journal Records Achievers Under 40, OKCYP’s Most Influential Young Professional, Member of the Year, and more. In her free time, Alisha can be found playing with her son Hunter and her niece and nephews, organizing something fun with friends, or searching out the nearest Comic-Con!